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revenantsailor

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logical negativism [Jan. 10th, 2009|07:27 pm]
Sitting here at school I get to thinking alot. One thing I've noticed is that I am almost completely alone. All week unless I am in class I have no human contact at all, save maybe the housekeeping lady. What I think bothers me more than this fact, is that it doesn't bother me really. I mean sure I really miss tiff alot like a whole lot but as far as other people go meh. If she was here honestly my life would be complete. See here's the thing I honestly love my job and being here on shore and seeing what my job is supposed to be reminds me of that. Being on the ship is completely miserable mostly because in all honesty I will never get credit for my work and even when I do according to the ship it pales in comparison to the work of a damned high school drop out boatswains mate. Anothe thing I saw a list of awardees from all the shore commands for ct's and they had literally two hundred navy acheivment medals given out in a single quarter. In the last two years my boat gave out maybe twenty five. This is why I am getting out of the navy, no job satisfaction no time off ever no respect and they still expect you to be grateful because the navy is so freaking awesome to them.

All I want is to go home and see the love of my life....
link2 comments|Update Log

Sitting.... [Sep. 7th, 2008|04:53 pm]
[mood | blank]

You know one thing I've noticed on this deployment is that there is nothing quite as unsettling to me as nothing. Nothing as in sitting in a room full of computers, no people, no sound, no mental stimulation at all. The first 10 minutes aren't so bad but then as 20 rolls around it starts to itch at you, not bad at all really. Then you hit the 30 minute mark, now you start to look around at the nothingness that is around you. You notice things like how many light bulbs are burnt out or how often certain lights on the computers blink. This runs for about 20 minutes which brings you to the 50 minute mark and now you've run out of obvious things to look at and you start looking actively for something, anything just to entertain you for a second. The bottle of hand sanitizer sitting in front of you for example, how much lower is it today than yesterday because you know that you were sitting here doing exactly the same thing as you are now. You count the little bubbles in the bottle, which way the spigot is turned, how long this part of the sanitizer has lasted and you try to figure out the exact day you think it will run out. Well this hand sanitizer has managed to distract you from everything for at least another 10 maybe 15 minutes right? Except when you look at the clock you realize that your entire hypothesis, observations, and problem solving has only lasted about 2 maybe 5 minutes tops. Now that you realize that you can't distract yourself from the boredom you think about leaving, well this proves problematic due to the fact that there has to be at least one person in the space at all times. You think about your options quickly seeing that you are stuck here and there isn't going to be anyone to relieve you or even distract you. And it repeats. 2 hours, 3 hours, until it's over.
link1 comment|Update Log

(no subject) [Jun. 22nd, 2008|05:48 pm]
So I'll be home soon however the next 20 some odd days are going to be the most boring of my life. There is abolutely nothing to do I've wathed every movie my entire division owns at least three times, there's nothing to do out on liberty, and it's not like we actually have a "mission". We're out here for a "firendship" mission. You know what we do on "friendship" missions......nothing The only people who do anything are the captain xo and some other officers while i get to hide in a space with no windows that doesn't exist. Seriously when foreign diplomats arrive and they ask what's in my space it's called a storage room. And then i get to think about what i'm going to do for the next 2 years......nothing. We float around for a year doing work ups and fake execises pretending to do things. Then by the time i get to go to the persian gluf the damn iraq war will be over, it's like what the fuck. Sigh..... plus there's a few fuckers on this boat that i can't stand.....whatever it's times like this that make me wonder why i even bother
link1 comment|Update Log

(no subject) [May. 26th, 2008|09:07 pm]
[mood | contemplative]

Well I sat down with the intention of writing something deep and profound... but since I can't think of anything off hand i suppose i'll sit here and think for a bit......

This may or may not make sense because I honestly do not understand what I am about to say fully myself. It feels as though, when I think or rather my thinking power is extraordinarily inconsistent. For example the other day I was playing free cell and I could not move more than three cards without getting stuck. Now unlike solitaire every single free cell game is solveable but for some reason I could not make sense of any of the cards, it was as if they were aranged perfectly so that they could not be moved. Now earlier today I sat down and beat 10 games in a row in under 15 minutes. Now that I have explained my issue with a metaphor I will try to explain it without. Now there are times when I try to sit down and think and momentarily it seems like I have solved whatever it is I am thinking about, but just as I have realized that I have solved it my mind goes blank of the solution. There was a math problem yesterday we were adding fairly large numbers, all double digits, and I looked at the numbers not even thinking about adding them and as I realized I knew the answer and tried to bring it to the front of my mind, it eluded me and I was sitting there like a retard trying to add 17 plus 12. I sat and I thought for 3 minutes, but the answer would not come out. It's as if, and when I say this I do not mean to say that I am a genius of any sort far from it, but it seems like I cannot actively control my brain activity like it's too powerful or something. (Again I emphasize I am not that smart)

I theorized about this and wondered if it were possible that perhaps that I am accessing more of my brainpower than the average person subconsciously, as if there was some block that when I wasn't paying attention wasn't being enforced. After all we only use approximately 3-5% of our brains normally, could it not be possible that the limitation is the brain itself? Could the human brain be limiting our own thinking power? Now challenging that question would be the need, what would the need be for the brain to limit its own capacity? Now in theory one could say that it does so to conserve energy that if the brain worked to it's full capacity that it could drain our bodies of tremendous amounts of energy causing a person to pass out or even die. I think that would have to be the most logical reason due to the fact that there would be no need for the brain to be retarded from full capacity for survival of biological reasons. By survival and biological reasons I mean evolutionary, there is no need for the human mind to be retarded for survival as in some animals develop camouflage to protect them from predators. If anything a more powerful brain may possibly aid in the survival of man.

Another theory would be that the human mind retards itself for humanity's protection. Now this is granting the brain tremendously more credit than anyone would have ever imagined, but say that the human brain knew what it was capable of and understood that this poer may be detrimental and or hazardous to the host(the person) ie: psychologically, or even physically. Now this may be a stretch but let's theorzie that the human mind is capable of telekinesis. Left unchecked, unrestricted or even in untrained hands so to speak this could be extraordinarily dangerous. What if the brain was capable of perceiving this fact? Could it not be possible that our subconcious is leading our conscious around like a seeing eye dog does a blind man, and in addition how would we know the difference? It's easy for humand to make other humans "believe" that they are making decisions that they are not how hard would it be for our brains to do that to us?

Finally this would explain split personality syndromes much easier than we do currently. Now say that my theory about subconcious controlling concious like a puppet is true, how would the brain react if it realized what is happening? Many many people have mental breakdowns for far lesser reasons. Could one not say that it is possible that a split personality syndrome could be formed by the concious and subconcious parts of the brain fighting so to speak for control over the brain? In fact though this is very close to the definition of certain types of split personalities, I am suggesting perhaps what you would call deeper causes than what Locke, or Freud had originally theorized. Now I do believe that scizophrenia MPD, or DID is caused by a disfunction in the brain that may include competition between lobes, hemispheres, concious and/or subconcious; however, I believe that those disorders/disabilities are also caused by another factor, a malfunction of some part of the brain.

A third factor I believe is there that is not considered. Many people who are considered insane, schizophrenic, or even DID have said and thought some extraordinarily profound thoughts that were often dismissed due to their condition. Now I'm not saying that every insane person is a genious but if my theory is correct and the brain controls itself, then these people as their brains are tearing themselves apart could possibly be experiencing a phenomenal amount of brainpower. I theorize that these disorders are not caused by the actual cause so to speak, but that the schizophrenia or DID is merely a side effect of another greater brain problem. One of the causes of DID and or schizophrenia is a traumatic experience, lets say this traumatic experience causes not schizophrenia, but a loss of the brain's control of itself which in turn causes what we know as schizophrenia. Could these mental disorders be not actual disorders, but symptoms of the human brain losing control of istelf?

Well this post was far longer than I wanted it to be and honestly I'm sure i repeated myself 30 some odd times but I hope someone understood what I was trying to say.


Any copying, or plagiarism of anything or any ideas written above is illegal without the written consent of one Max Brent
link5 comments|Update Log

(no subject) [May. 5th, 2008|12:50 pm]
REALTY FROM A SOLDIER

This letter, written by a 22 yr old soldier killed in Iraq gives a
perception that every American should acknowledge. A huge reality check.



A Soldier's Last Words: Listen Up CBS, CNN, Cindy Sheehan, Al Franken by

Louisa Centanni



SGT. Edmund John Jeffer's last few words were some of the most touching,

inspiring and most truthful words spoken since the tragedy of 9/11 - and

since our nation went to war. SGT. Jeffers was a strong soldier and
talented
writer. He died in Iraq on September 19, 2007. He was a loving husband,
brother and son. His service was more than this country could ever grasp
-
but the least you can do for the man who sacrificed his life for you ...
is
listen to what he had to say.



Hope Rides Alone By Eddie Jeffers




I stare out into the darkness from my post, and I watch the city burn to
the
ground. I smell the familiar smells, I walk through the familiar rubble,
and
I look at the frightened faces that watch me pass down the streets of
their
neighborhoods. My nerves hardly rest; my hands are steady on a device
that
has been given to me from my government for the purpose of taking the
lives
of others. I sweat, and I am tired. My back aches from the loads I
carry.
Young American boys look to me to direct them in a manner that will
someday
allow them to see their families again...and yet, I too, am just a
boy....my
age not but a few years more than that of the ones I lead. I am
stressed, I
am scared, and I am paranoid...because death is everywhere. It waits for
me,
it calls to me from around street corners and windows, and it is always
there. There are the demons that follow me, and tempt me into thoughts
and
actions that are not my own...but that are necessary for survival. I've
made
compromises with my humanity. And I am not alone in this. Miles from me
are
my brethren in this world, who walk in the same streets...who feel the
same
things, whether they admit to it or not. And to think, I volunteered for

this... And I am ignorant to the rest of the world...or so I thought.



But even thousands of miles away, in Ramadi , Iraq , the cries and
screams
and complaints of the ungrateful reach me. In a year, I will be thrust
back
into society from a life and mentality that doesn't fit your average
man.
And then, I will be alone. And then, I will walk down the streets of
America
, and see the yellow ribbon stickers on the cars of the same people who
compare our President to Hitler.



I will watch the television and watch the Cindy Sheehans, and the Al
Frankens, and the rest of the ignorant sheep of America spout off their
mouths about a subject they know nothing about. It is their right,
however,
and it is a right that is defended by hundreds of thousands of boys and
girls scattered across the world, far from home. I use the word boys and

girls, because that's what they are. In the Army, the average age of the

infantryman is nineteen years old. The average rank of soldiers killed
in
action is Private First Class.



People like Cindy Sheehan are ignorant. Not just to this war, but to the

results of their idiotic ramblings, or at least I hope they are. They
don't
realize its effects on this war. In this war, there are no Geneva
Conventions, no cease fires. Medics and Chaplains are not spared from
the
enemy's brutality because it's against the rules. I can only imagine the

horrors a military Chaplain would experience at the hands of the enemy.
The
enemy slinks in the shadows and fights a coward's war against us. It is
effective though, as many men and women have died since the start of
this
war. And the memory of their service to America is tainted by the
inconsiderate remarks on our nation's news outlets. And every day, the
enemy
changes...only now, the enemy is becoming something new. The enemy is
transitioning from the Muslim extremists to Americans. The enemy is
becoming
the very people whom we defend with our lives. And they do not realize
it.
But in denouncing our actions, denouncing our leaders, denouncing the
war we
live and fight, they are isolating the military from society...and they
are
becoming our enemy.



Democrats and peace activists like to toss the word 'quagmire' around
and
compare this war to Vietnam . In a way they are right, this war is
becoming
like Vietnam . Not the actual war, but in the isolation of country and
military. America is not a nation at war; they are a nation with its
military at war. Like it or not, we are here, some of us for our second,
or
third times; some even for their fourth and so on. Americans are so
concerned now with politics, that it is interfering with our war.
Terrorists
cut the heads off of American citizens on the Internet. ..and there is
no
outrage, but an American soldier kills an Iraqi in the midst of battle,
and
there are investigations, and sometimes soldiers are even jailed...for
doing
their job.



It is absolutely sickening to me to think our country has come to this.
Why
are we so obsessed with the bad news? Why will people stop at nothing to
be
against this war, no matter how much evidence of the good we've done is
thrown in their face? When is the last time CNN or MSNBC or CBS reported
the
opening of schools and hospitals in Iraq ? Or the leaders of terror
cells
being detained or killed? It's all happening, but people will not let up

their hatred of Bush. They will ignore the good news, because it just
might
show people that Bush was right.



America has lost its will to fight. It has lost its will to defend what
is
right and just in the world. The crazy thing of it all is that the
American
people have not even been asked to sacrifice a single thing. It's not
like
World War Two, where people rationed food, and turned in cars to be made

into metal for tanks. The American people have not been asked to
sacrifice
anything. Unless you are in the military or the family member of a
service
member, its life as usual...the war doesn't affect you. But it affects
us.
And when it is over, and the troops come home, and they try to piece
together what's left of them after their service...where will the
detractors
be then? Where will the Cindy Sheehans be to comfort and talk to
soldiers
and help them sort out the last couple years of their lives, most of
which
have been spent dodging death and wading through the deaths of their
friends? They will be where they always are, somewhere far away, where
the
horrors of the world can't touch them. Somewhere where they can complain

about things they will never experience in their lifetime; things that
the
young men and women of America have willingly taken upon their
shoulders.




We are the hope of the Iraqi people. They want what everyone else wants
in
life: safety, security, somewhere to call home. They want a country that
is
safe to raise their children in. Not a place where their children will
be
abducted, raped, and murdered if they do not comply with the terrorists
demands. They want to live on, rebuild and prosper. And America has
given
them the opportunity, but only if we stay true to the cause, and see it
to
its end. But the country must unite in this endeavor...we cannot place
the
burden on our military alone. We must all stand up and fight, whether in

uniform or not. And supporting us is more than sticking yellow ribbon
stickers on your cars. It's supporting our President, our troops and our

cause.




Right now, the burden is all on the American soldiers. Right now, hope
rides
alone. But it can change, it must change. Because there is only failure
and
darkness ahead for us as a country, as a people, if it doesn't. Let's
stop
all the political nonsense, let's stop all the bickering, let's stop all
the
bad news, and let's stand and fight!




Eddie's father, David Jeffers, writes: I'm not sure how many letters or
articles you've ever read from the genre of 'News from the Front,' but
this
is one of the best I've ever read, including all of America's wars. As I
was
reading this, I forgot that it was my son who had written it. My
emotions
range from great pride to great sorrow, knowing that my little boy (22
years
old) has become this man. He is my hero. Thank all of you for your
prayers
for him; he needs them now more than ever. God bless.



Though Eddie is no longer with us, you can help to let his voice be
heard,
pass this one on.
linkUpdate Log

(no subject) [May. 1st, 2008|07:47 pm]
In Rio de Janiero
Will be in Montevideo, Uruguay soon

One thing that i have found very cool is me and a few of my buddies from the ship today we all went out on liberty together and sat down at an open air cafe on Copacababna beach. I thought to myself this is like one of those things you see in movies where you sit there and it....ok this keybord has no apostrophe.....i suppose they dont use apostrophes in Portugese...annoying. Anywho i never thought that i would be here right now or ever. This just seemed like on of those....(ok wtf no quotation marks??? *sigh*) dream things where you wish that you could go but realistically youre never actually going to do it before you retire. Its really cool because were going to have something like 14 port visits and see around 12-13 different countries in six months, that is really exciting. Also one thing that I like is that im getting better at managing my anger issues Im not as stressed out as i normally get and i deal with catastrophes and or big problems much more calmly and i think thats just great.
link1 comment|Update Log

(no subject) [Apr. 6th, 2008|07:45 pm]
deploying in 14 hours 15 minutes
link1 comment|Update Log

(no subject) [Apr. 6th, 2008|07:37 pm]
deploying in 14 hours 20 minutes
linkUpdate Log

(no subject) [Apr. 3rd, 2008|09:58 pm]
I was going to post an entry expressing my feelings right now but there is no way to do that so whatever I guess I'm not going to post after all. Just like everything else in life...fuck it.
link2 comments|Update Log

(no subject) [Apr. 3rd, 2008|07:10 pm]
[mood | irate]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!! it figures the one time in history my all time favorite band goes to Boston is while I'm on deployment WTF!?!?!? Not cool very not cool In fact I am going to miss ALL of Projekt Revolution 2008 because I'm on deployment. This is so incedibly gay that I must make a new word for the gayness of it.............FAGTABULOUSLY GAY! I hope the American people are appreciative of my sacrifies to protec their lazy asses.......or at least go to the concert I mean if I can't go someone should you know.....pick up the slack there.....
linkUpdate Log

(no subject) [Mar. 24th, 2008|02:21 pm]
I don't mean to go off on a rant here, but Rachael Ray is stupid. Ok so she's interviewing this dude who used to be a burgular, and he's talking about how the best time to rob a house is during dinner because everyone's in the dining room together etc. But here's why she's stupid. He said "no one has their house alarm on while they are at home because they feel safe" rachael ray replies "Oh MY GOD you are sooo smart!!, aren't you all glad he's on our side? (loud obnoxious laugh)". Yeah It's no wonder why females today specifically middle American females, your typical stay at home trophy soccer mom's are....well the way they are. I dunno I haven't posted in a long time so I figured a rant would do.
link3 comments|Update Log

(no subject) [Jan. 11th, 2008|11:20 am]
[mood | discontent]

*sigh this sucks all my friends are gone and despite an honest effort to make new one's all the people on my ship suck or are stupid or just not people i want to hang out with. fuck this shit I'M GOING TO TEXAS.....not really but it'd be nice
link1 comment|Update Log

(no subject) [Nov. 25th, 2007|01:43 pm]
ugh tired
link5 comments|Update Log

(no subject) [Nov. 11th, 2007|11:27 pm]
I don't even know what to write
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(no subject) [Nov. 8th, 2007|01:08 pm]
Ugh I hate time periods like this, I say time periods because sometimes they last for days weeks and occasionally months. Anyways shitty shitty time period. Thats about it really, peace.
link4 comments|Update Log

(no subject) [Oct. 28th, 2007|02:49 pm]
I hate civilians especialy Jody. Jody is that little fucktard civilian who seduces military wives and girlfriends and fiances. Be warned if I ever fuckin catch one of you bastards with my girl or one of my shipmates' girls I promise I will fuck you up hardcore. Don't be so naive to think I won't find and kill you.
link2 comments|Update Log

(no subject) [Sep. 13th, 2007|11:58 am]
[mood | pensive]

To be or not to be, that is the question;
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing, end them. To die, to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to — 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep, perchance to dream. Ay, there's the rub,
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause. There's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life,
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
Th'oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office, and the spurns
That patient merit of th'unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovered country from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pitch and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action.
linkUpdate Log

(no subject) [Sep. 5th, 2007|08:02 pm]
I hate those days when you sit and think about everything. I mean I like them yet I hate them all the same. Like my colorblindness, it pisses me off to no end like literally it's something that doesn't affect me personally other than it rules my life. It's like an invisible curse that taunts me every day. I wanted to be a Navy SEAL (though insanely difficult) I cannot even try to make it I'm inelidgible (not spelled correct). My life long dream of being a combat pilot, not happening I'm colorblind. SO now I need to make a choice, give up and just accept that this "disability" will stop me now and forever, keep pushing and try to find a solution or a loophole in the system. I mean if I give up on the whole flight thing then I'm gonna try to make Admiral, and thats completely awesome I'd be in charge of the fleet, thats unholy power to say the least. But I found out I can get a colorblindness waiver to be a diver. Now Navy Divers are still considered part of the special forces breed the only limitation is I cannot go EOD (explosive ordinance disposal) but still I get to work directly with the Navy SEALs as a SME (subject matter expert) on diving. I mean I dunno what I want to do at this point, hell I could stay as a CTR and just work that ugh life is far too complicated.
link2 comments|Update Log

(no subject) [Jul. 30th, 2007|10:14 pm]
[mood | contemplative]

Well I'm home and now that i'm posting i'm going back to the real world, sigh i wish the good times lasted longer than they always seem to. I'm worried though because i have to leave my sweethart behind yet again and that makes me sad. However i know that our love will help us get through all this and someday we'll live together and be happy. I know that i'll be a great dad and she'll be a great mom, i know we have our differenes and sometimes we get mad t eachother, but that is what i think makes our relationship so real. well goodnight all as another servicemember once said: "you may sleep in peace knowing we stand watch over you"
link2 comments|Update Log

(no subject) [Jul. 13th, 2007|01:25 am]
[mood | crappy]

ugh shitty shitty week 6 days only six days i should have joined the corps
link2 comments|Update Log

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